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Need to have the sex toy conversation?
We have some tips and tricks to pave the way!
Love adult toys? Only use them when your partner is not around? What about sharing is caring? Discover ways to have that chat with your sex/life partner! We open up the conversation around introducing sex toys into your marriage or fave relationship.
Adult Toys And Your Relationship
While it’s definitely true that adult toys are a much more mainstream interest now than at any other time in history, some people still haven’t had the pleasure. There are lots of reasons why sex toys may not be something you feel comfortable about introducing into the bedroom outside of masturbation, so let’s have a look at a few.
The Enormous Penis-Shaped Vibrator
If you have been enjoying solo sessions with your enormous penis-shaped vibrator, you may have normalised having a 12-inch dick in the room that gets you off every single time you meet. Your partner may likely find this somewhat daunting; it may even be an ego-shattering event if they feel like they have to compete with a vibrator that is basically a huge cock that is always hard and comes with extra bells and whistles. However, not every person is going to find this difficult. For all the ones that do, there are likely just as many that would love it if you pulled out your adult toy and asked them to watch you pleasure yourself, or better still, have them hold the vibrator for you - maybe while you get into licking or sucking the real thing.
Having The Talk
Whether you are with a man, a woman, or a trans or intersex person, the key to introducing a sex toy is to chat about it first - but this can feel hard. We all have things we do by ourselves that we might be a little shy about, but we also all have things that we are curious about. If you can initiate a chat, you may be surprised to find your partner already uses an adult toy - or they may be really keen to try it! So how do you bring it up without being cringey or scaring them off?
TV Is Your Friend
It’s probably better not to just pull out your enormous vibrator without discussing it first. If you don’t feel comfortable bringing it up in the normal course of the day, think about shows you have been watching. Is there an episode you can put on that features a sex toy in a non-threatening way? Another way to slip it in is to send them an article and ask what they think. You could open up an adult toy website and ask them to have a look with you or tell them a story about a ‘friend’ who uses sex toys with their partner. Once the conversation is open, you can get more specific. A good way to do this is with ‘I’ sentences ‘I like rimming with a little bullet vibrator’ or ‘I would love you to penetrate me with a vibrator while I go down on you’.
Feel Them Out
Once you have gauged your partner’s initial reaction, this will lead naturally to further discussions. If they are flat out squeamish or really anti, be sure not to push. It’s okay to ask them why they don’t find the idea of using a sex toy appealing; it’s not okay to force your ideas about adult toys onto another person. You can certainly ask if it would be okay to chat about it another time, and you can express that it’s fun for you to include adult toys in your sex play. If your partner seems interested or eager, you could start by looking at an adult toy site together. You could point out things you already use or like, and things you want to try, and they could do the same. Once you have found some common ground and decided to play together, it’s a good idea to make a date to do it.
Take It Slow & Check-In
Even after a partner has consented to have a sex toy join you in the room, it’s a good idea to take it slow – especially if they are inexperienced. Using unobtrusive toys may be a better start; discreet vibrators or cock rings are a great jumping-off point for newbies. You can lay them on the bed next to you while you stimulate each other as you normally would, then ask again if it’s okay to use the adult toy. Communicate as you go, say, ‘I am going to touch myself with the vibrator and then I want to touch you with it’. Be specific about where you are putting things, let them know when you are going to move them, and don’t penetrate anyone with an adult toy without express permission.
Adult toys such as vibrators, butt plugs and pleasure cups are really simple to use and can add a little spice to couples’ playtime. Pretty much any adult toy can be a couple’s sex toy, it’s only limited by your imagination. If you are hankering to gently give it a go with your significant other, good luck, you got this!
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